For the last 5 years of married life, my life has been relatively easy. Sure, there have been some bumps, but nothing unmanageable. In different ministries I am a part of, there is a common theme of extending extra grace to people (especially moms). When thinking about people going through a tough time (job loss, marital difficulty, faith testers, etc), I often think to myself, “She’s going through a really hard time, so it is important to be extra gracious in those situations.” I love that I have been able to give of myself, my time, and money to help out others.
Recently, I have found myself in a season of being that woman that I speak of: in a time of needing extra grace. (There is nothing wrong with that, but I am just not used to it).
My family and I are experiencing a lot of changes right now. Though I like change, this has been a little more than I prefer.
Since January, we have or will….
– added a 5th member to our family
– have a newborn, a toddler, and a pre-schooler (no wonder I get so many weird looks)
– to sell our house (with a newborn, toddler, and pre-schooler)
– to buy a home….from halfway across the country
– to move halfway across the country
– leave all of our friends, my family, and all that has been familiar in our 5 years of marriage
– change jobs
– raise extra ministry support to balance out the cost of living
That is just a short list.
My entire life is in limbo. A must-keep-my-house-perfect limbo. (As much as I enjoy a clean home, I do not actually like keeping it that way all the time).
I am overwhelmed.
And in need of extra grace.
I forget things often (for example, I killed my neighbor’s plant because I forgot to water it). I am trying my best in ministry roles, but I am not on my A-game (which frustrates me). I am excited for what is to come but so sad for all I am leaving behind. Anytime I confide in my friends, I just get more sad because I realize those friends will be very far away.
I know that the end will be sweeter than I could ever imagine. Because I love and follow a God who promises that.
I know once we move and are settled in our new home, we will begin a new chapter of our lives. I will sleep well again. I will make new friends and new memories. Shoot, I may even have to teach my kids to swim in our (hopefully) pool! I will be able to leave my house in the morning without having to make it look near perfect.
But we are in limbo. And limbo is hard.
I am so thankful to my friends who have extended that extra grace and understand that “life is hard for her right now; it is important to be gracious.” For friends who invite me over and make me lunch.
Things are hard right now. But thankfully hard comes in seasons (let’s just hope this season is a North Dakota summer, and not this Kansas winter!).